Details of the only interview Elin Nordegren gave about her split from Tiger Woods

I can’t forget that day, it was like the end of the world!

“Give Daddy kisses,” says Elin Woods, cuddling her two children—one on each hip—in the garage doorway as they return from their father’s house a mile around the corner. In this moment, she and Tiger Woods are simply two parents working together, discussing when Sam, 3, last ran a fever and how long Charlie, 19 months, napped that afternoon. Sam, all smiles, wiggles to be put down so she can make her presentation: a pink Barbie Band-Aid that she tenderly places over a spot between her mother’s eyebrows. “For Mommy’s boo-boo,” the girl says.

Five days afterward, by finalizing the divorce agreement on August 23, the very private woman who was married to the world’s most well-known athlete for almost six years legally regained her original name as Elin Nordegren and wished that the process of healing the deeper emotional wounds, which she keeps hidden from her children, would commence.    Nordegren and Woods reached a settlement for more than $100 million, which is much less than the rumored $750 million.  

Nordegren believes that money cannot bring happiness or repair her family.    She aims to express her thoughts before moving on from this stage in her life, but disclosing her innermost reflections was a challenging choice for her to make.   

“After the eventful Thanksgiving weekend last year, where Woods, aged 34, had a car accident at the end of the driveway and his secretive life was exposed in the media for months, Nordegren, aged 30 and originally from Sweden, chose to confront the media with silence.”    In her clear accent, she explained that her original intention was to maintain her privacy.  

She believed that keeping a low profile was the best way to provide a sense of normalcy for her children, given their father’s fame.  

However, after experiencing and reading various rumors and speculations about her actions, she felt compelled to clarify certain things.    She is mainly concerned with making it known to the world that she was completely unaware of her husband’s betrayal.   She feels ashamed that she had no suspicions at all.  

During the past 3 1/2 years, while the betrayal was happening, she was mostly at home taking care of pregnancies, kids, and her studies. 

The final exam for a summer course toward her bachelor’s degree in psychology was looming — and both kids were battling a fever — when, on Aug. 15, she invited a PEOPLE reporter to the rented Windermere, Fla., home where she, Sam and Charlie have lived since the end of December.

In 19 hours over four visits, Nordegren opened up about what she was feeling in the crucible that was her life these past nine months. “I’ve been through hell,” she says at her kitchen table. “It’s hard to think you have this life, and then all of a sudden—was it a lie? You’re struggling because it wasn’t real. But I survived. It was hard, but it didn’t kill me.”

In some ways, she says, it is almost liberating to be out from under the PGA schedule and corporate apparatus that grew up around her husband. She is now the ruler of her own world, living on her own for the first time in her entire life, and Woods needs her permission to get past the guard of her gated community.

There were ground rules for the Q&A in these pages: Nordegren would talk through PEOPLE’s questions but then write out her answers, saying she is still not 100 percent confident in her spoken English. And she refused to allow Sam and Charlie to be photographed for this story: “I want to shelter them as much as I can.”

Shelter, for now, is the five-bedroom rental with its borrowed furniture that she originally intended as a temporary place while she and Woods worked on their marriage. “They asked me to sign a year’s lease, and I thought, ‘Whoa. I’m only going to be here a month!’” She won’t say when or why she decided that reconciliation wasn’t possible — only that “we tried for months and months” before she concluded that a marriage “without trust and love” was good for no one.

In those months she motored through the business of motherhood and generally stayed busy as a way of coping. The 21-year-old nanny, Marie (who, like the part-time housekeeper, moved with Nordegren in the split), taught her and the children to bake, and they all produced endless batches of cupcakes.

In what had been a game room, Nordegren turned the wet bar into a diaper-changing station and removed the pool table to make room for dance parties to the Pippi Longstocking soundtrack. She read stacks of picture books to the children — in both English and Swedish — and whenever she could, she’d take off for a run or a bike ride. “I’ve not watched one minute of golf,” she declares.

Only at night, before Sam inevitably wandered into her bed, would Nordegren allow herself to be alone with an anguish that caused insomnia and weight loss. She sorted through her feelings by keeping a journal on her laptop (“I haven’t gone back to read what I wrote in December and January; I’m afraid to”) and undergoing intensive therapy that, as a psychology student, she strongly believes in and continues today.

In the days before the divorce was final, she began to lose her hair, her body surrendering to the stress where her spirit would not. “I never cry. Unfortunately. I wish I could bring up my emotions more at the time, but it usually comes afterward. That’s one of my flaws,” she says wryly.

These days, though, she’s finding it easier to laugh again and admits that she did find the South Park and Saturday Night Live parodies of herself “pretty hysterical, even if they were totally untrue.”

After months of difficult work on the divorce, she now teases and plays practical jokes on her Richmond, Va.-based lawyers Richard Cullen and Dennis Belcher at the firm McGuireWoods, where twin sister Josefin Lonnborg is an associate in the London office.

Within the year she plans to relocate to southern Florida so that the children will be near their father — who has, under Florida law, “shared parental responsibility” or, effectively, shared custody— after he moves into the $55 million dream house that was built to be for the family of four. She’s excited about finding her own place. “I have visions of a great pool with slides,” she gushes, “a house you really live in — modern but cozy — and where all the kids want to play.”

And she’s okay with being single. “It’s going to take time for me to start dating again,” she says. Only recently she’s realized that her instinct to believe in the good in people—and her ability to trust—has somehow survived. “It’s going to be just me and the kids for a little while. But I believe in love because I’ve seen it. I’ve been there.”

Why speak up now?

Before today I haven’t felt ready, but now I see it as a step toward putting it behind me. I also see this as an opportunity to thank everyone who has reached out to me. I have felt tremendous support from family, friends and people I never met, and I want them to know that every encouraging letter, e-mail, text message or phone call has been a tremendous help. I have no intention of addressing these matters again after this interview. I hope that the kids and I will get the privacy we need to adjust to our new situation.

How are you doing?

Going through a divorce can be a challenging experience, as I have discovered firsthand.  

Each day brings a slight improvement, but I still have a long road ahead toward full recovery.   I have experienced various emotions, from disbelief to anger to grief, especially regarding the loss of the family I had envisioned for my children.  

Throughout this process, I have gained insights into my own character, as well as a deeper understanding of the world and the people in it.  

Despite feeling immense disappointment, sadness, and anger, I also sense a newfound inner strength.   I now have more faith in my beliefs, my choices, and my own abilities. 

With everything that’s been said, is there anything in particular you’d like to set straight?

What comes to mind first is all the speculation that I had something to do with the car crash or that I had somehow used any kind of violence on Tiger. This was one of the things I had the hardest time with people thinking. There was never any violence inside or outside our home. The speculation that I would have used a golf club to hit him is just truly ridiculous. Tiger left the house that night, and after a while when he didn’t return, I got worried and decided to go look for him. That’s when I found him in the car. I did everything I could to get him out of the locked car. To think anything else is absolutely wrong.

What do you think when you read about yourself described as a “former swimsuit model and nanny”?

When I was young, I did some modeling but I was not very successful and did not plan to pursue it further.

Although being called a model is flattering, I believe a few shoots in my teenage years do not define me as a model.  

I have always had a love for children, which led me to work as a nanny for the children of Swedish golfer Jesper and Mia Parnevik for a year in between my studies. 

It is common in Europe to take a break after high school to travel or learn another language before continuing studies.  

Initially, I planned to go to Barcelona to study Spanish for a year, but I ended up coming to the States with the Parnevik family to help with their three children.   Although I had planned to return to Sweden after a year to start my psychology studies, I do not consider myself a “swimsuit model and nanny” today.  

These were just experiences that I have had, and I cherish them. 

Tell us about your childhood dreams growing up in Sweden.

I grew up in a little town called Vaxholm outside Stockholm. I always loved sports and was an avid soccer player throughout my childhood. As a kid I dreamed of becoming a soccer professional and journalist (like my father) because I love to write. I knew after high school that I wanted to study psychology. I always loved children and I wanted to study something that could combine the two. After my year as a nanny, I planned to go back to Sweden. I was 21 when I met Tiger.

How did growing up a twin and as the daughter of two prominent parents — your mother a government official, your father a journalist — shape you?

I have huge respect for both of my parents. They gave me a base of trust, loyalty and love that I will always have and want to pass on to my children. There was an emphasis on respect for other people, and both my parents believed that there shouldn’t be too many “dos and don’ts” in a family, but instead a chance to make your own decisions.

Before my parents split up in 1987, they took my older brother Axel, my sister and me everywhere. My brother is 13 months older than my sister and me, so we were like triplets growing up. We were the kind of family that spent every little penny left over on travel. They stuffed us into a little Fiat Panda and drove all around Europe as often as possible. I have seen every country in Europe more than once. I have great memories of those trips. I think you teach your children a lot about the world when you travel.

Education and autonomy hold great importance in my family.   Being an identical twin, my parents emphasized the significance of independence with my sister and me.  

We were rarely dressed alike, but when we were, I always wore red and my sister wore blue to avoid confusion.  

The colors served as identifiers – red for Elin and blue for Josefin. Our hair was styled differently, and we were placed in separate classes.  

Looking back, I am grateful for these decisions.  

While my sister has always been my closest companion, our upbringing taught us the value of individuality.  

I believe that the unique bond shared between identical twins is something truly extraordinary and special, and I wish it for everyone.   

When I was 7 years old, my parents separated, and it was a difficult time for me.  

Following the split, I spent an equal amount of time living with each parent, which I am grateful for as it allowed me to have quality time with both of them.   Despite the separation, I still felt a strong foundation in my life.  

My mother served as an example to me by demonstrating that it is possible to be independent, raise children, and still focus on a career.  

In 1997, my father relocated to Germany, and my sister and I accompanied him for a year to study German and English. During that time, we attended 11th grade at John F. Kennedy School in Berlin. 

How did you and Tiger Woods meet?

I was traveling the PGA tour with Mia and Jesper, so we met through friends. I wasn’t interested at first, ironically. I had my opinions about celebrities. I got convinced that we were a lot alike and agreed to a date. The biggest reason I fell for him was because we had a lot of fun together.

What was it like adjusting to his world?

The hardest thing was being in the public eye. I am by nature a pretty shy and private person.

What was it about him that ultimately made you want to share your life with him?

I loved him, we had so much fun, and I felt safe with him. Our wedding day was one of the happiest days of my life.

We know you don’t want to discuss the things that led up to your divorce, but can you talk about how you first learned of his betrayal and what you felt at that moment?

Absolute shock and disbelief. I felt stupid as more things were revealed — how could I not have known anything? The word betrayal isn’t strong enough. I felt like my whole world had fallen apart. It seemed that my world as I thought it was had never existed. I felt embarrassed for having been so deceived. I felt betrayed by many people around me.

In the middle of the crisis in December, your mother came to be with you and the children, then was rushed to the hospital by ambulance one night. What happened, and how is your mother now?

Charlie had a bad stomach bug and we all ended up getting it. My mom, who has very low blood pressure, collapsed at the house. She was unconscious for a while, and I called 911. She was fine soon after, but it got a tremendous amount of coverage because of the other things that were going on.

Did you ever think you could still make the marriage work?

You think of every way you can save a marriage when it is in a crisis, and I think you try even harder when you have children. So yes, initially, I thought we had a chance, and we tried really hard. I don’t want to go into details of why I didn’t think it was possible.

Did your childhood with divorced parents affect your thinking?

Absolutely. I really wanted my children to have a core family. I think my parents did a pretty good job as a divorced couple, but I can imagine that having your parents stay happily together would be the ultimate best thing for children. However, if there is no trust between the parents, I think it is better for the children that the parents split up. I am now going to do my very best to show them that alone and happy is better than being in a relationship where there is no trust. I want to show my kids what my parents showed me as a child.

Who helped you get through this?

The main reason I am able to cope with this situation is because of my children.  

I make an effort to protect them from everything as best as I can, but they still sense that something is wrong despite their young age.  

However, having them by my side, embracing me, and showing me affection, gives me the courage to face each day.    My family has been amazing.  

Despite the distance, they have supported me throughout.   My sister provided both emotional and practical assistance, which I am grateful for.   

I have many friends as well as experience with counseling.   I believe that receiving support from both friends and family is crucial, but I also believe that seeking guidance from a trained therapist is equally important.   

Exercise and writing were key factors in helping me cope with the last few months.  

I find solace in running and biking, as there is nothing quite as therapeutic as a long run for me.  

Additionally, writing is a significant part of my coping mechanism as it allows me to express my feelings and release any pent-up anger or frustration. 

Have you — or can you ever — forgive Tiger?

Forgiveness takes time. It is the last step of the grieving process. I am going to be completely honest and tell you that I am working on it. I know I will have to come to forgiveness and acceptance of what has happened for me to go on and be happy in the future. And I know I will get there eventually.

I wish him all the best in the future, as a person and as an athlete. I know he is going to go down as the best golfer that ever lived, and rightfully so. I feel privileged to have witnessed a part of his golfing career.

We are going to be sharing custody of Sam and Charlie, which is a great thing. Tiger loves the children, and I want them to have regular and good contact with both of us. I will always have a working parenting relationship with Tiger.

After all that has happened, any regrets?

I don’t have any regrets.   I have two lovely kids, I am from the United States, and I feel more resilient now than I ever did before.   I think going through difficult times in life helps you grow and change your perspective.   I acknowledge that there are still some wounds to heal, but I am eager to begin the next phase of my journey.